What Is an Alpha Male?

Scroll through social media and you might see a video discussing what it means to be an "Alpha" male. A wave of alpha male talk is showing up on TikTok and YouTube.

The commentators tend to go for the shock factor and advocate ideas ranging from not paying for dates to not responding to messages in a certain time window, and detailing how you should speak with authority and breaking things off if you don’t have sex on the first date. Some of the ideas being shared are toxic.

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How the new alpha male is portrayed leads to an unhealthy view of intimacy, love, and sex. The growing chorus of alpha male talk feeds the ego and creates a false sense of how to build a healthy relationship with another human.

Being an alpha male should mean being a man who’s authentic with who he is and what he wants in life. An authentic alpha male is committed to becoming the best version of himself. A modern evolved man is someone who desires to learn, grow, and be a good person.

"Authentic alphas naturally and effortlessly inspire and influence those around them to follow their lead into something greater," says Fidel Beauhill, an entrepreneur, life coach, and author of Divorce: A Modern Man's Guide.

"We often confuse the term 'Alpha' with the picture of a man who uses physical, social, or financial power to dominate situations and get what he wants. That's not an authentic alpha man," adds Beauhill.

Here are four ways to be an authentic alpha male in spite of an online world full of bad advice and troubling views about what it means to be a modern man.

Do Everything With Purpose

An authentic alpha male starts everything he does with the belief that how you do one thing is how you do everything.

“Being an authentic alpha male means having presence. It means leading by example and loving yourself and others fiercely,” says Walter M. Matthews, a serial entrepreneur, and consultant who has coached hundreds of men.

Alpha males are intentional about approaching everything in his life with purpose and a desire to excel. They don't give half effort — they go all in and do the growth work consistently. An evolved man doesn't have time for games or getting involved in drama. He's focused on his mission of growth. He wants to become stronger in his mind, body, and emotions.

"Alpha males often get lumped into the overconfident and my-way-or-the-high-way type of approach to life. I would say this type of male is more of a bully," says Gene Hammett, an executive coach, and speaker. "I see another type of authentic alpha male in my work with founders and CEOs. The modern alpha male is supportive of developing others and confident in himself. An authentic alpha male will take up for others and empower them even when it is not easy."

An authentic alpha male is intentional with his finances to build wealth and create financial security. He's generous and believes in treating others how he'd like to be treated.

"Being a modern alpha male is nothing like what you might see on TikTok, Instagram, or other social media platforms," says Mike Murphy, an author of the upcoming book Thieves of Happiness: Finding Peace in a Mind at War. "There's content on being dominant towards those considered to be 'lesser' than they are. This version is toxic and short-sighted. I believe the modern, enlightened alpha male should be focused on being in a state of constant development and service to those around him."

Optimize Your Physical Health

Tony Robbins says, "Your body, today, is the physical representation of your standards. Want a better life? Raise your standards."

Working on other areas of your life is hard when your physical health is not where you want to be. An authentic alpha male does the work to optimize his body. He moves more and eats food that nourishes his body.

Data from the Mayo Clinic tells us that exercise can pump up your endorphins, the brain's feel-good neurotransmitter. Physical movement can help reduce stress and lead to a better self-image.

We know a lot about exercise; we know about its importance. There is no shortage of content — most of it free — on how to optimize our bodies. But we have to go past the knowledge phase and into a life of consistently working on improving our physical health.

Take Your Mental Wellness Seriously

One of the best things you can do for yourself and others you may enter into a relationship with is get therapy. Each of us carries a lot of baggage and trauma from how we were raised, societal programming, and the things we've experienced.

An authentic alpha male gets help and takes his mental wellness seriously. Getting therapy and seeing things differently flies in the face of a lot of the alpha male talk we see on social media. Therapy helps you realize many of the issues we have with others are issues with ourselves.

"Being tough doesn't mean being a tough guy like in a movie, but standing strong and being emotional during tough times," says Mike Ficara, an entrepreneur, podcaster, and author of Like Socks on a Rooster. "Becoming a husband and father, I realized those words came with deeper responsibility. 'Alpha' means teaching my children values and traditions that will make them better men."

Never Stop Growing

One of the best things you can do is commit to personal growth and never stop doing the work. An authentic alpha male never feels like they've reached the finish line — they understand that growth is a constant life journey.

You can become the best version of yourself when you continually educate yourself and become more self-aware. You set audacious goals and work to achieve them. Do you want to learn a new language? Read a certain number of books? Accomplish a physical goal? Make a certain amount of money? Do the work — consistently.

Authentic alpha males learn to fall in love with the growth journey because they understand personal growth is self-love.

"An alpha male understands his work has only just begun, no matter how much he already knows or has already done. All work done should go through the lens of genuine empathy," says David Yarde, an entrepreneur, father, and husband.

Take any advice you can get, including this article, and do your research. This is your life, and you must decide how to live it. Know that the alpha male talk that speaks to the ego is not coming from a healthy place.

Don't let anyone walk over you or treat you like a backup option, but treat others how you'd like to be treated. Being a good person tends to attract other good people. Laugh when you see the toxic alpha male talk on social media as you commit to doing what feels right for you.

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